222

Monday was a crazy day! We had to call 2 rapid responses - I wasn't a part of one but ran right into another to find a patient sitting on a bench in the shower telling me she was having a hard time breathing. As she was slipping in and out of consciousness, I held her up and encouraged her to keep talking to me as the charge nurse was putting on O2 and calling a 222 (rapid response). Many more staff came to help as she collapsed in my arms. We carried her to the bed and got her breathing again. She was fine but the antihypertensive she had that morning had significantly slowed her heart and breathing. I didn't apply for an ER job but am beginning to feel like that's what I've gotten myself into! The other nurses tease me that I bring the emergencies because it's not always like this.

Overall, it's been a great week so far. I told my preceptor that I want to be challenged so she had me take two patients on my own yesterday. Among other things, I got to hang platelets, IV meds and do a discharge. Although IV stuff is still quite a struggle for me, I'm beginning to get the hang of it. My life is now consumed with being a nurse, however, it's still strange for me to identify myself in that way. I suppose it is because I've only really been a nurse for a few weeks in comparison with over 20 years of doing other things. As hard as it is sometimes, I wouldn't trade this for anything. I love it because every day I am brought to the essence of reality and humanity, in all of its pain and joy, setbacks and victories.

A close friend asked me the other day, "what is it that you want more than anything right now?" I know that could be answered in a selfless or selfish way and also either very general or very specific. All I could honestly think to respond was, "I would like to see myself the way that God sees me." Sometimes I am so hard on myself and for that reason I thank God for seeing all that I have not yet been. He knows us better than we know ourselves. How piercing to realize that God not only knows where we live, but also knows the gutters into which we crawl. Still, we are completely loved. There is a lifetime of "becoming" yet to be unfolded - so what are we waiting for?